Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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