I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
