Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
