i think my mom watched the whole time
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
