I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
