I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i came on her dog
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
