I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
