You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
