hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
third nipple confirmed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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