there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
