mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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