one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
