Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
