Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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