i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize