That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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