I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
