she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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