it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
