My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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