Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh god the rape fog is back!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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