i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
