In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
