All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
