nut hugger
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
