I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
