Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
