i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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