i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
cat food counts as protein by the way
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
