So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
