yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
