Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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