you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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