You're my little dorito
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
