So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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