he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
