ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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