I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
