On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
