i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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