Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Who died my cat blue again?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
