Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
