Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
