The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she looked like the before picture.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
