Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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