I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
