Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
