it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
