I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
