I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
