A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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