I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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