Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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