so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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