Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
