i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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