No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
