youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize