Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
