He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
