Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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