you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
