Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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