I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
