once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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