Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
