i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
