Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well you can't waste a boner
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
