Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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