I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
