I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
