drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
