went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize